9/11/2010
why germans and u.s. american (sometimes) don't understand each other
envision this scene:
a college campus.
a graduate assistant office.
the new phd student group for this year just moved into the office to take over their assigned desks. in the corner of the office an incumbent phd student is having her hideaway. she's u.s. american. let's call her kate. next to her the new german student sits down on his desk. let's call him hans.
kate (cheerful): "i just came back from salzburg."
hans (matter-of-fact): "austria is not germany."
herein lies the condensed dilemma of why u.s. americans and germans (sometimes) don't understand each other. it's hard to demonstrate in more essence.
i shared this scene with my housemates and we analyzed it kitchen-counter-psychology-style. i need to add that both of them are u.s. americans but one lived in germany and the other in spain for several years including learning the respective foreign language to fluency.
in this hodgpodge of u.s. american, european, and german understanding the fundamental problem between u.s. americans and germans crystallized.
u.s. americans want to be liked by everone. or as one of my housemates demonstrated with played desperation in her face: "please, please, please love me."
germans couldn't care less if someone likes them. or as same housemate acts out: "i have the best cars, the best everything and i'm busy being best."
while kate wanted to make phatic communication i.e. communication for social sakes; hans valued being best (in geography) over communcation at all.
to spin it a bit further as we did in our kitchen game: while germans suffer from a superiority complex, u.s. americans are troubled by obsessive individualism making them yearn for connection no matter what.
no wonder germans are seen as not likeable by u.s. americans (and other parts of the world) and u.s. americans are labeled by germans (and other europeans, at least) as superficial.
to let you know, there has been a happy end. although kate initially facebooked to her followers that "i don't like the new german phd student" and hans was oblivious to the whole drama, both ended up drinking beer -- the liquid unifier across the atlantic -- the other day laughing about their intial contact.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
7 comments:
I am somewhat baffled. Why did the German need to state that Saltzberg is not in Germany when the American never implied one way or the other that it was not in Germany.??? Was that to show a knowledge of Geography...?
I guess that reinforces your example of the difference between a sterotypical German and American.
I think that is the point. My German colleague jumped to the conclusion that the U.S. American was trying to say something about Germany when instead she just wanted to start a conversation. He thought since he is from Germany she wanted to say something about his country, which she didn't even want to do. Maybe I should have made that a bit clearer in my writings.
Good point, Spencer. If the difference can be captured in its essence, the one American in the kitchen conversation put it best: Kate was trying to connect, while Hans was trying to correct. Such an interesting difference (especially considering Kate had not made a comment that needed correcting, further highlighting the severity and ingrained nature of german correcting). If Germans in general focussed more on the connecting and less on the correcting, current efforts at integrating foreigners might move forward more smoothly. From my four years of living as an American in Germany, I got the impression that many Germans have the mindset that we are right and we do things the right way, and that others therefore must adapt themselves to us. When in fact, the Germans have so much to learn from others and Germany could be so much enriched by integrating others.
Thanks Sharon for clarifying the difference in attitudes plus adding the problem this might cause with current integration of immigrants in Germany.
This is a credible observation given your experience and interest in international communication. And I see that Sharon is also in agreement about the German tendency to assert correctness or superiority.
However, strictly from your example, one would not necessarily come to this conclusion. A feminist might focus on the way men try to dominate women in our society, and an anthropologist could ponder the territorial aspects of a new grad student establishing himself in the same office with an incumbent.
Nevertheless, you make an interesting point. I'm very glad that the one German person I know is very broad-minded and extremely likable :)
Thanks for the word "phatic". I didn't know there was a name for this type of communicating!
Anne, you're right. It depends on the the kind of "glasses" you put on and the feminist or anthropologist would interpret the scene differently. (I wonder what an Austrian would say?)
I just discovered the word "phatic" myself and thought not only does it sound exotic and interesting but it describes something succinctly which often is just called -- maybe rather derogatively -- small talk.
Post a Comment