"Yes, sir, once the German language gets hold of a cat, it's goodbye cat"

Okay, I borrowed that headline quote from J.

Praising fine American literature, J. and I talked about favorite books and classics for summer reading. In passing we mentioned Twain (yes, yes, Samuel Langhorn Clemens). J. wanted to re-check a quoted sentence, turns out J. found a companion in his struggle to comprehend the German language:

"A dog is "der Hund"; a woman is "die Frau"; a horse is "das Pferd"; now you put that dog in the genitive case, and is he the same dog he was before? No, sir; he is "des Hundes"; put him in the dative case and what is he? Why, he is "dem Hund." Now you snatch him into the accusative case and how is it with him? Why, he is "den Hunden." But suppose he happens to be twins and you have to pluralize him- what then? Why, they'll swat that twin dog around through the 4 cases until he'll think he's an entire international dog-show all in is own person. I don't like dogs, but I wouldn't treat a dog like that--I wouldn't even treat a borrowed dog that way. Well, it's just the same with a cat. They start her in at the nominative singular in good health and fair to look upon, and they sweat her through all the 4 cases and the 16 the's and when she limps out through the accusative plural you wouldn't recognize her for the same being. Yes, sir, once the German language gets hold of a cat, it's goodbye cat. That's about the amount of it."

Never knew before what eternity was made for. It is to give some of us a chance to learn German.

I don't believe there is anything in the whole earth that you can't learn in Berlin except the German language.

The Germans have an inhuman way of cutting up their verbs. Now a verb has a hard time enough of it in this world when it's all together. It's downright inhuman to split it up. But that's just what those Germans do. They take part of a verb and put it down here, like a stake, and they take the other part of it and put it away over yonder like another stake, and between these two limits they just shovel in German.I can understand German as well as the maniac that invented it, but I talk it best through an interpreter.

My philological studies have satisfied me that a gifted person ought to learn English (barring spelling and pronouncing) in thirty hours, French in thirty days, and German in thirty years. It seems manifest, then, that the latter tongue ought to be trimmed down and repaired. If it is to remain as it is, it ought to be gently and reverently set aside among the dead languages, for only the dead have time to learn it."

To keep up the enthusiasm of all German learners, remember there is the blissful ah! for knowledge acquired. Even the frustrated Twain found that on occasion:

"How charmed I am when I overhear a German word which I understand!"