where are you from? -- being foreign

"For the first time in history, across much of the world, to be foreign is a perfectly normal condition. It is no more distinctive than being tall, fat or left-handed. Nobody raises an eyebrow at a Frenchman in Berlin, a Zimbabwean in London, a Russian in Paris, a Chinese in New York."

-- Being Foreign. The Economist, Dec. 17, 2009

or a german in washington d.c.

after the inevitable question "where are you from?" my inevitable answer "germany" outs me as a foreigner.

in ninety-nine percent of these budding dialogues, the reaction has been positive. especially u.s. americans like to place themselves somewhere on a scale oscillating between full-germanness to remote german flavor as they recall a german ancestor, living distant relative, friend, work colleague or remote acquaintance, someone who was born, visited or served in germany.

"It has long been true in America that nobody can be foreign because everybody is foreign."

somewhat true. but the experience of just recently having left your home country comes with a different sense of being foreign.

the smart essay in the december 17, 2009 print edition of the economist summarizes many of the themes that accompany long-term living abroad. it offers a short history, philosophies, and traditions of foreignness. it acknowledges asylum seekers and economic refugees as well as adventurous students, artists, and other immigrants by choice.

falling in the latter category more than any other i felt at home reading the article that so concisely and knowingly penned out the contradictory equation of joy and burden of being foreign.

for example that it's easier for europeans to live within each other's countries or the united states. how about living in japan or any african country? the perceived similarities between western countries, however, sometimes wash away the experience of difference that cannot be overcome whenever you live outside your home country for better or worse.

"[...]foreignness is intrinsically stimulating. Like a good game of bridge, the condition of being foreign engages the mind constantly without ever tiring it. John Lechte, an Australian professor of social theory, characterises foreignness as “an escape from the boredom and banality of the everyday”. The mundane becomes “super-real”, and experienced “with an intensity evocative of the events of a true biography”."

just going to the supermarket is an adventure in the beginning (prices without included taxes make for a big surprise at the cash register, unknown brands and missing products). cooking can result in cultural fights when pancakes are not pancakes but Eierkuchen and eaten any time other than for breakfast. the visit to a foreign dentist is a scary novelty and costly with cash needed before the pain even subsides. hunting for housing is an unbeaten path with sticky strings attached by a seemingly all powerful landlord ruling over lessees without law. routine activities such as clothes shopping, gift giving, and party invitations become a social gamble.

"Every foreigner of inquiring mind becomes a part-time anthropologist, wondering and smiling at the new social rituals of his adoptive country."

i am still searching to understand the subtle rules of how u.s. americans make friends, often boldly and sudden. i observed many times how two of them talk to each other at a bus stop or party assuming from the conversation that they have known each before just to find out that only met the minute before. in conjunction with this conundrum comes the riddle of the how privacy is handled. questions concerning boyfriends, family relations, and the sum of the latest paycheck or how much your cute purse costs are willingly answered within in seconds of a new acquaintance. depending on my mood i like playing the game of u.s. american interaction or not.

i feel like a foreigner every single day. although it does not strike as strong of a chord with me as other underlying principles, the article also describes the dark side to having gone away.

"Beneath it all there is the guilt of betrayal. To choose foreignness is an act of disloyalty to one’s native country."

reproaches of not being home or taking care of things there can flare up in subtle ways from the home front. on the foreign shores, criticism resulting from constant comparison between your two countries, can result in reproaches of another kind.

"A foreigner is, after all, someone who didn’t like his own country enough to stay there. Even so, the complaining foreigner poses something of a logical contradiction. He complains about the country in which he finds himself, yet he is there by choice. Why doesn’t he go home?"

following the way the cookie crumbles, a country might choose the person and not the other way around. whichever way:

"The funny thing is, with the passage of time, something does happen to long-term foreigners which makes them more like real exiles, and they do not like it at all. The homeland which they left behind changes. The culture, the politics and their old friends all change, die, forget them. They come to feel that they are foreigners even when visiting “home”."

this feeling comes quicker than the article makes it out. as much as i am the foreigner in the united states, some people in germany jokingly have called me "the american" when i visited back home. how much do i know about current milk prices, the latest catchy song on the radio, the current fashion on the street or the talk of the german towns i lived in? not so much at the moment despite almost obsessive watching of Tagesschau, Tagesthemen, heute journal and the absorption of any printed german online and offline.

"But we cannot expect to have it all ways. Life is full of choices, and to choose one thing is to forgo another."

going back is always an option, living abroad is something not always offered. that doesn´t mean though that i´m not german anymore.